Hard to believe that this time last year my daily activities included going up to a hospital with my husband and 2 small children. We visited little baby H on a daily basis. He was a micro preemie that as a little over a pound when he was born. He stayed in the NICU for 81 days. During those 81 days I battled depression. Most days it was an effort to just pull on my clothes and go up to the hospital. There are no words to describe how emotionally draining it was. I just remember being tired all the time and listening to depressinging music all the time. One on heavy rotation in the play list was "Against the Wind" by Bob Seager. I listened to this song so many times that when we were in a store after baby H came home my daughter recognized it in a store and said "Hey mom there's your song."
We faced death and won. Both my son's life and mine could have been lost. I had high blood pressure, pre-ecelempisa and the placenta that baby H was in was a piece of junk. They pulled it out of me and it was half the size it should have been. After facing your mortality and that of your child your world is colored a little differently. So many things that people think are important and stress out about seem sort of trivial to you. You want to cut the bull shit out of your life.
I don't know if I have fully dealt with what happened to us. Or, maybe I have and that is why I feel so different then what I was before.
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